15 Minutes: boring mommy
edited to add: I'm not really looking for a pity party, just getting some thoughts out...but a little pity feels good too. ;) Hello!
I'm back. For awhile. We had a couple of wonderful trips to visit relatives and celebrate weddings and anniversaries and babies, and I have been relishing each evening and weekend with Alexander as he is not studying like he does during the school year. The past semester was rough, y'all, and I feel that I am neglecting many things to just enjoy our family time together. It feels like vacation, though he is working a normal 8-5 job. We are so blessed.
But, I feel boring. At least I feel like a boring mommy. As a kid, I always liked the idea of the outdoors, but I really disliked going out of doors. I wanted to stay inside and read my book. I feel that is happening now too...Tom wants to go "owsye" and I like the idea of going outside, so we go out. It's not too bad being out there. Maybe I don't care for "our" outside because we have zero shade and in 90 degree weather, there is no respite. Also, our yard is meh. Typically, all Tom wants to do is run up the driveway so he can either dart to the street, or walk down the block. He sits in his wading pool for all of two minutes, chucks some toys in there, then tries to run away from it. He usually stands on his tiptoes in hopes of yanking the car door open to go "bye-bye," but we can't go bye-bye until we clothe his naked self. But he protests when I attempt to clothe him. So neither of us win.
My cousin Maria and I were laughing about how we and our sisters and cousins interact with toddlers and little kids. We are both from large families, so usually we just like to cuddle and snuggle the wee ones, but whenever they want to play, we will send them off with the other kids to play. We never really would "play" with the kids. So boring, but as long as the kids had kids to play with, we were covered and had done our duty.
Sometimes I find myself struggling with "play". I know that Tom can entertain himself full well, but sometimes I feel the mom-guilt that I should be reading out loud more, and racing cars more, and make puppets dance above the couch. I try to include Tom in little household duties, which he thinks is fun, and I've been realizing more and more that toys are not merely an object of play for him, but a way to learn new skills and grow developmentally. So he pushes a closed umbrella around the house pretending it's a vacuum, helps me open the blinds in the morning, and tries to wipe his tray. He has been starting to clean up his toys with me, and put his books back into his box. So that is all good.
Still, I think I am boring sometimes. As a mom, maybe I am not as boring as I think as he does not know any different, nor does he think with an adult's mind, so I am probably a fun mom for now, haha! I do need to remember to keep enriching myself for the sake of myself and my husband. He need not be the only interesting spouse, but I need to be okay with the fact that I do not have to do great and far reaching things to be an interesting person. This week, Tom and I have been listening to 'Anne of Green Gables' on audiobook, and I am reading a paperback of 'Little Men'. I am getting better and better at meal planning in hopes of keeping away the temptation of happy hour appetizers. We leave the house every day for morning Mass, and maybe an activity with friends (or Target). It's all in the little things.
If I can just improve one area of myself in one little way each day or each week, I will still be interesting and my brain will still function as normal. If all I do one week is nurse and cuddle a teething baby without pulling my hair our, that is the best I can do that week and it is no indication that I am "boring". As my dad always reminds me, I have the most important job on Earth, and that is taking care of and raising a human. In light of that, it doesn't really matter if I am boring or fun, as long as Tom knows that he is loved, fed, clothed, learns the Faith, and has a roof over his head. For him I am truly grateful.
p.s. as usual, thanks for reading this ramble!